For once, I’m going to stop posting about stuff I’m lusting for badly, and I’m going to write about something so laughable I just had to share this with you guys. This gadget (I don’t even know if this is a gadget, but whatever) falls squarely under the “WTF is this category.”

Okay, so let’s say you’re a James Bond-esque secret agent off to a dangerous mission. You’re wearing the obligatory three-piece suit and in the middle of a poker match whose outcome will decide the fate of the free world, your opponent (let’s just assume that he bleeds out of his tearducts) brings out a gun and shoots you point-blank in your left chest. You should be dead, but guess what, the bullet bounced safely off you!

Oh yeah, it shouldn’t come as a surprise because you have in your left breast pocket a bulletproof pocket square. Um, yeah. Called “The Damned”, the pocket square is proof… Bulletproof.

From the product page:

The Damned is a Bullet-Proof Gentlemen’s Pocket Square measuring 270 mm x 270 mm made from military grade ballistic protective aramid to protect the hearts of men.

If a gun is aimed at you, fired, and the slug hits you, you will be hurt despite the properties of the square; The impact of the projectile itself is likely to fracture, crack or break your bones bones and bruise you. According to the specifications of the textile, a ballistic projectile such as a bullet will not pass through thirty two layers of this material. We take NO responsibility for those who feel compelled to test the endurance or resistance of the textile in any way.

Damn, even the write-up is sexy.